guests lister

so i've started working on a rough draft of the guests list just to find myself getting a headache and wanting to pull my hair out. i promised myself that there will be no more than 100 invited persons total, especially because i don't want to compromise the quality of the wedding reception site, just so i can accomodate more people - people who are, more likely, have really nothing to do with me and mike and/or with how our relationship bloomed and added color to our lives together. but my gah, as of this afternoon, the list already reached 130, not counting the people whom we might have "overlooked." i mean, of course, like i said, it's just a rough draft, and i can still do some cutting, and response rates will more likely not be 100% anyway, but still... the list doesn't include some people who might "resurface" and the people whom our parents would want to invite. errr, mike and i already had this huge argument this evening just discussing about it. let's just say that we were both frustrated to the point that both of us had dropped threats of just calling the whole wedding off. it's so hard for me to let go of my sentimentality and my fear of offending people; mike feels the same way. so now, it has become a matter of who gets to invite an "ordinary friend" while the other one has to give up giving an invitation to an "estranged relative."

like, seriously... am i supposed to invite his/her significant other also even though we barely know each other or we haven't even met? am i supposed to invite them just because we see each other everyday or on a regular frequest basis? am i supposed to invite their kids or their parents, too? am i supposed to invite them because they are one of my mommy's best friends? am i supposed to invite them because we happen to be related but haven't talked or seen each other for years?

it would be different if mike and i had all the money to spend on a one-day affair... but you see, it's not even just that. when mike and i first decided to have a church wedding, i envisioned it to be simply intimate. like, 50-75 persons intimate. just the closest family and the closest friends who strongly influenced me and mike's journey together... people who shaped us individually to become who we are as a couple. it's no secret to people who are truly close to us that in the five years that we have been together, mike and i did not have a fairytale story; it was more like an exhausting soap opera, actually. it hasn't been just a joyride for us; it never was. we didn't meet in the most romantic way, and our love story presented both the most beautiful beauty and the ugliest ugliness. because of our relationship, many people have been filtered out of our lives... only few remained a "family" and/or a "true friend," who accepted us unconditionally with no pre-judgements. only few have been able to understand the magnitude of our love, why mike and i belong to each other and only to each other, why we decided to marry each other to begin with, despite of all the ugly things that happened within and because of our relationship.

i think the event would just be much more gunuine if everyone who attend are only people who truly care, who truly can imagine how much of a lifetime blessing it is for us to spend the rest of our lives with each other. i really wouldn't want to invite anyone who will mainly view our wedding as just another event where they "have to" worry about spending money on a wedding gift... another dinner party that they "have to" sit through because it would be "impolite" to refuse an invitation, especially one for a wedding. at the same time, that's one less thing for me to worry about during the wedding day: if there are people who are un-entertained, un-interested, and just plain bored out of their minds during the reception or whatnot... because true family and friends do not come to the couple's wedding, expecting to be entertained and be well-fed or get anything out of the wedding, for that matter, but for them to give by adding even more "colors" to the couple's once-in-a-lifetime celebration.

*sighs* help?